I can't praise these authors enough. In fact, they are due for another book and I look forward to reading it. Having already read , "Influencer" and "Crucial Conversation" , I knew what to expect from these excellent writers with Crucial Confrontation.



General Overview

The reasons I love these books are because at the end of each book, they do a beautiful job of tying all together. For me this is extremely important. After reading 300+ pages, at the end they tell you, what does it all mean to me and how can I use these wonderful skills in my own life. They summarizes it all and give you specific examples that you can use NOW to become better skill person on handling high stake conversations or confrontations or influencing people or a group of people.



They tell you to practice one specific skill a week until you get the hang of it. So many books spew theories and concepts and at the end say thank you very much and I hope you use what we just told you and you like what. How? where do I start? there is just too much information, etc, etc. On the opposite side, these incredible authors tell you exactly how to use the skills, they will say if there are two things you walk away from this book, they are, (example in this book, establish safety and describe the gap) and give you examples. There is so much I can say and praise these three books and especially Crucial Confrontation( my favorite)but I say only that I strongly recommend for you to pick one up and find out for yourself.



Crucial Confrontation



There is a three concept model that you use and these are the skills that good and excellent practitioners use when there is a crucial confrontation.



The model has three component of Confrontation: The Before, The During and The After- with a Side Bar for unexpected contingencies



The Before: This is when you plan how you going to confront this person, who betray your trust, or , started rumors or is out to get you. Is the WHAT and IF concept.

WHAT exactly happened, and WHAT issue are you going to confront-get the facts, and usually there are many issues involved, that need to be confronted , they talked bad about you, they told a specific lie , but I believe the bigger issue is the relationship, this is a person who you trusted and is lying about you, The confrontation many times is the relationship, and that is what should be confronted. Also, it talks IF , you should confront the person. Is it worth it? what will you lose if you don't, how much is it bothering you.

The second part of the equation, is not to get angry , you have to leave your emotions out of it. This is done what the authors call, MASTER MY STORY, think of reasons why this person is doing it ( besides being just evil), the question to ask , why would a decent rational person do this. The idea is to make the person , human and not a villain and it that way to approach it in a more normal conversation and not going in there half cocked and ready to do battle.

Real important in this phase is to ask yourself: What do I really want out of this confrontation? This will keep you focus. Also, a technique you can use in this phase is called CPR: C=Content( facts) P=Pattern( this is the second time) last R= relationship(trust).



During the confrontation: the authors called it, DESCRIBE THE GAP. this is where you tell the story (facts) not conclusions, just the facts-of what is expected and what happened. The most important part of this is to create safety. Safety is created by stating the mutual purpose you both have and thinking before hand -what is the worse this person think I am saying and use contrast to say what you mean and not mean like I'm not accusing you of lying but I want to get the facts. Start with the facts (how you start, the first 10 seconds are crucial and set the tone for the confrontation it should start and end with a tentative question) and by ending with a question, it helps diagnose the problem. After you listen, look for motivation and ability. Make it motivating and make it easy for them and this has to do more with work , them personal relationships. The book says look at six sources of influence.



After the confrontation- AGREE ON A PLAN AND FOLLOW UP. This basically means that you can tell the person, I can count on you for support - most important, Who does what , when and who will follow up and ask the question, are we leaving out any barriers or unforeseen things. Let discuss this in 30 days and we where we are, this is very important-remember mutual purpose.



And the side bar, STAY FOCUS AND FLEXIBLE, and what that means, they might throw in another problem and you have to decide deal with the new problem, is it more serious (if you do, you bookmark the original problem and say we'll get back to that later, let discuss this new situation I was not aware of) , if the new problem is a small or distracting tactic, you get back to the original problem.



I love this book, Buy it, read it and it will definitely improve your life with people.

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